Start date: July 1, 2026.
List of participants:
Chris Alexander (NYC), Alexis Almeida (NYC), Roberto Balò (Prato), Stephanie Barber (Philadelphia), Erica Baum (NYC), Courtney Bush (NYC), Alessandra Capodacqua (Florence), Felipe Cussen (Santiago, Chile), Mónica de la Torre (NYC), Claire DeVoogd (NYC), Ted Dodson (NYC), Robert Fitterman (NYC), Ethan Fortuna (NYC), Sophia Le Fraga (Los Angeles), Kristen Gallagher (NYC), Henry Goldkamp (New Orleans), Sanja Grozdanic (NYC), Aurelia Guo (London), Sabine Herrmann (Berlin), Atef Al Jaffal (Baghdad), Josef Kaplan (Philadelphia), Christine Kelly (North Adams, MA), Klaus Killisch (Berlin), Tyler Little (NYC), Matt Longabucco (NYC), Kristin Lucas (Austin), Monica McClure (NYC), Holly Melgard (NYC), Hella Mewis (Baghdad), Joe Milutis (Seattle), Cole Modell (Pittsburgh), Yedda Morrison (San Francisco), Joseph Mosconi (Los Angeles), Sean Munro (New Orleans), Anna Murray (Dublin), Théo Robine-Langlois (Paris), Kim Rosenfield (NYC), Zaid Saad (Baghdad), Jeff Shapiro (Siena), Ed Steck (Pittsburgh), Luke Stettner (Columbus, OH), Barrett White (NYC), Sam Winston (London), Joey Yearous-Algozin (NYC)
Impress me.
Ted Dodson
RESPONSES
Roberto Balò
Erica Baum
Alessandra Capodacqua
Robert Fitterman
IMPRESSING TED
Hey, Ted, did I ever tell you that I once
squeezed milk up my nose and shot it
out of his eye socket a distance of 9 feet?
Did you know that I was born with a rare
genetic mutation known as distichiasis,
which gifted me with an extra, prominent
second row of eyelashes? Oh, and I ever
told you that I accurately shot an arrow
over 40 feet, using only my feet. Did you
know that I once famously crushed
10 ripe apples using only the bend
of my arm muscle? Ted, I don’t think
I told you about the time I allowed 43 live
land snails to sit on his face simultaneously
for 10 seconds, or that I once held my breath
for over 7 minutes. Oh, and what about when
I spent over 3 hours meticulously inserting
3,500 toothpicks into my beard? You probably
didn’t know that when I was 16, I traveled
with a touring circus as a lion tamer assistant.
Oh, Ted, did I ever tell you about my curated
collection of hair samples from 115 historical
figures, including Napoleon, Elvis, and
Abraham Lincoln. Did you know, Ted,
I used to have a rescue cat named Detroit
who had 28 individual toes and 30 claws?
Oh, Ted, maybe you already heard this
but I once produced a massive belch
that registered at 107 decibels, matching
the volume of a full throttle motorcycle.
I have a great story, Ted, about how I convinced
my parents to let me move to NYC to become
a poet—as a teenager, I created a witty
PowerPoint titled: Rob The Poet, NYC, 1981.
Kristen Gallagher
Sanja Grozdanic
Atef Al Jaffal
Kim Rosenfield
Ed Steck
Barrett White
